My Eye

A year ago my optometrist set me up with a new cleaning system. "Do not put this cleanser in your eye. Make sure you store the contact properly when using this cleanser," he said. "What will happen if I don't?"

What happens is I put a seemingly harmless contact into my eye. However, this contact is filled with hazardous chemicals that immediately sear into my eyeball, which causes my eye to clamp shut like a vice. The palm of my fist thrusts into my clamped eye, my feet stomp around in an Indian (yes, I said Indian) rain dance style, and shouts of profanity spring forth from my mouth. Amidst the screams, tears, and cursing I dance back and forth from the mirror trying in desperation to pry open my eyelids and release the contact from hell, while Bella races in and says, "Mommy! What's wrong? Are you okay?"

With the contact expelled, I flush my eye with cool water, dab my face with a towel and enter the living room. Bella is calmly stretched out on the over sized chair watching cartoons, when she looks up at me she says, "Mommy! Is your eye bleeding?"
"No, it's just really irritated. I'll be okay. But I want to apologize for the bad words I said."
"That's okay. I didn't even recognize those words."