1. If you insist on traveling with family make sure you are NOT the ONLY person over the age of 5 and under the age of 55. Unless, of course, you like to repeat yourself a minimum of 6 times for everything you say or they think you should have said.
2. Flying do's and dont's.
- Do not kid yourself into thinking that connecting flights are any kind of savings. The hassle of wrangling a 5 year old, 3 senior citizens, a carry-on, medical equipment, and a stroller on and off planes is not worth the $100 savings. Believe me.
- Don't sit at the back of a the plane by the bathroom. Where the flatulant middle eastern man that sat by you for 2 hours during the layover, decides he now needs to take what my father would call a "healthy shit" in the plane bathroom. This is followed by more flatulence, and all of this disgusting behavior is only heightened by the bizarre fact that the man is travelling alone and carrying a half-used coloring book.
3. Room - Get your own damn room or suffer the consequences. Living in one room with the aforementioned fray is unbearable.
4. Lose them. Try suggesting a parting of ways, but if this fails resort to deception if necessary or hell, make a run for it. This will be a necessary action if you do not heed my advice from #3.
5. Stay home. Why stand in lines in the heat surrounded by rude people? Why room with your family? It will only prove to you why you pay that mortgage. But if you must go on vacation, be sure to drink and nod. Just nod to whatever they say so you don't have to listen, and worse yet reply, and then have your father go mental and curse you out in the middle of a Ghiradelli ice cream parlour in Downtown Disney. Great fun!
Want to know the funny the part? The child was the best behaved person on the entire vacation. She really was as polite as a princess.
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