If you’re going to be a parent, make sure you have a high self-esteem and are absolutely unflappable, because by time they’re done with you it will all be gone.
A Workday Morning:
“Mommy, my lips are chapped.”
“Okay, let me get you some chapstick,” I said as I reached into my large Mary Poppins in Patent Leather bag. I felt something tubular and pulled it out.
“Oops, not that,” I placed the tampon back in my bag and continued to fish around for the chapstick.
“What, what, what, what, what, what was it?”
“A tampon.”
“Oh. Don’t those hurt when you put them in your pee pee?”
“Ah, no. No, they don’t hurt mommies.”
“Is that because you have hair on your pee pee?”
(Oh, Jesus.)
A Wednesday Afternoon:
After preschool and a trip to the spa with Grandma, Bella was sorely behind schedule for a nap. They walked through the front door and she burst into tears.
Grandma: “What happened to you?”
Bella: “I don’t like your haircut. It looks worse. You’ve got a big knot up here.”
Grandma: “You need a nap.”
A Saturday Night:
Getting ready to get both of us out the door, I’d been racing about half naked. Finally, my hair and make-up done and clothes on I take one last look in the mirror.
“Mommy, you look a lot better with clothes on.”
Sitting in the Living Room:
“Mommy, I see gray in your hair.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah, you should color it. You’d look younger.”
5 comments:
like when you have a pimple and you tell your toddler it's a boo boo b/c they look concerned...then every day until it's gone they point out your "boo boo" to you and everyone else in the vicinity.
Sa
Real nice. Isn't parenthood grand?
it certainly keeps you humble.
Sa
It could be worse. Isaac regularly calls me Jelly Belly.
To which I invariably respond, "IF that's true, it's your fault."
NO filter is right.
Oh, what I have to look forward to.
Post a Comment